After 53 years of coming in last I finally beat my siblings at something, I died first. I knew this would happen one day but it sucks, I really wanted to hang out a bit more but, once again, I didn’t get things my way.
I was born on April 3, 1967, in Cleveland, Ohio to Irving and Priscilla Hoffman, and was immediately dubbed the “crown prince” of the family. I’ve been medically fragile my entire life but I think I did pretty well, up till now that is. I would like to credit the doctors, nurses and other healthcare providers at CWRU in Cleveland and IUHC in Indianapolis. You all cared for me with state of the art treatment and empathy, which allowed me to live well beyond my “expires by” date. Except Anita at Methodist hospital, I never liked you Anita, give a man some privacy when he has to poop. I was fortunate to develop a personal friendship with a therapist of mine over the past few years, talkin’ bout you Shawn. Thank you brother for being my friend, it’s important to have someone outside of family to share your feelings with.
Speaking of family, I am leaving behind brothers Jim Hale, Ray Hale, sisters Ellen Melocik, Susan Hoffman, their respective spouses and a dozen or so nieces and nephews. I loved you all and know I was loved by you all. I especially want to thank Lovie and my forever brother from a different mother Terry Jones, you guys know all the things you did for me. Joshua, you are more like a little brother than a nephew to me, I will miss hanging out with you the most. Never forget your 21st birthday at Pinkie’s where you declared me “the best uncle ever”. Peace out to all my family and any friends left in Cleveland but not you Ralph, you are a turd.
I may have had less than an average lifespan but I did not lead an average life. I loved who I wanted to love, traveled where I wanted to travel, made wildly inappropriate jokes and comments and had the best Star Wars themed house ever.
I have very few regrets but chiefly among them I never saw Hillary Clinton become president. On this last note, at least I died after POTUS Biden and VPOTUS Harris were elected and in my last days I felt more positive and hopeful that our country can work toward unity and equality for all its citizens. I also request that the DNC continue to keep my name on the roles so Democrats can continue to vote for me in the future.
There will be no visitation or service since my sister refuses to honor my request to prop me up on a chair in the corner with a blunt in my hand so I will look my most natural best. Instead, if you feel inclined, raise a glass of your favorite beverage, pour off a little for your homie, and think about some good time we had. And if you feel compelled to give a donation ICAN would be my choice. They gave me my Lunar who was a great help and comfort to me in the last year. I will be cremated and my ashes given to sister Sue who will keep and care for them, I’m sure, until they no longer match her décor.
People pass but love lives on
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